Good morning traders,
Today we’re going to cleanse your palate from all of the political and economic madness that you’ve been bombarded with over the past few days and talk about something everyone should find cool.
The Artemis II mission to the moon.
When humans behave properly, or when two world superpowers make their nerds fight to do things in space as a way of claiming ideological superiority, the human race can achieve extraordinary things. If you’ve ever looked up at night, seen the moon, and wondered how people got up there and when we’ll be back, this newsletter is for you.
But first…
What’s in the news?
Lee Zeldin leads the prediction market for Trump’s next Attorney General. “I don’t really know what their politics are and how you get a British rock band into office, but I like their music,” said one interviewed voter.
Blue Origin predicted to land on the moon before SpaceX despite SpaceX boosting desired IPO valuation from $1.5 to $2 trillion prompting the newest “Battle of the Billionaires” between Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos.
German men aged 17- 45 now need military approval for long stays abroad. “Some people might be worried, but we think this is just punishment for Germany only having a 5.7% chance of winning the World Cup according to Kalshi traders,” said one analyst
(Half of Poland had a heart attack when they read this headline)
And now, back to…
The Artemis II space mission is the latest mission to orbit the moon.
(Going from zero electricity to this in 200 years is pretty impressive.)
It was very obvious why we went to the moon last time. Two countries with ginormous armies needed a way to fight, but seeing that 70-85 million people died not even a decade earlier, and that both countries had nuclear warheads, the USSR and the USA decided that war wasn’t the answer. So they decided to compete in a different realm:
Putting people on that giant rock you see in the sky.
But why are we going back to the moon now?
Essentially for the same reasons as the last time with the notable exceptions that:
Instead of asserting astronomical dominance over the Soviet Union, Western countries are trying to dunk on China.
The moon might have some useful natural resources.
If humans can learn to survive on the moon, Mars becomes much more achievable.
Congress, scientists, and other people with deep pockets finally aligned their goals.
The past missions to the moon aimed to answer the question of “Can we get there?”. Now that we know if you stick a bunch of PhDs with -7.00 prescription glasses in a room together the answer is “Yes”, the next question is “Can we stay there?”.
As experts in aerospace engineering and sustaining life in hostile environments (that's why we’re writing this newsletter) we think “Perhaps.” While the Artemis II mission is going pretty well so far, there have been two hiccups, both of which fortunately make for great content.
1 - The Toilet
Shortly after launch, the crew discovered the fans responsible for creating the suction necessary to control fluids in microgravity broke. The crew was forced to rely on backup systems (which I’m assuming was a plastic water bottle) until the person tasked with getting the toilets working again could make his repairs.
(This might be the best meme format of 2026.)
While Marco Rubio isn’t actually on the Artemis II mission, there is a decent chance he could be in charge of the Artemis III mission if the White House makes an announcement and the below market resolves to “Yes”.
2 - Microsoft Office
Even in space, Outlook will ruin your day.
(The next time I forget to respond to an email, I’m telling my boss that even NASA doesn’t know how to use Outlook.)
NASA was able to overcome orbital mechanics, thermodynamics, gravity, the logistics of sending four humans hundreds of thousands of miles from Earth at 25,000 miles per hour, but still got screwed over by Outlook.
A couple of hours into the mission, the commander reported “having two instances of Outlook open, and neither working.” This prompted the rocket scientists on the ground to stop solving differential equations and start solving the much more difficult task of getting Microsoft Outlook operational again.
(Moody’s would give this market a credit rating of AAAA.)
While I’d love to sit here and make fun of the mistakes that people with double my IQ made, it is worth acknowledging one thing.
These mistakes are the whole point of the Artemis II mission.
With Artemis III planned to actually put humans on the moon, Artemis II is meant to stress test modern space travel. None of these issues are mission-ending or life-threatening, but they’re exposing where things can go wrong.
As I alluded to in the introduction, great things can happen when humanity comes together for a common goal and reflects on past failures. The fact that the issues astronauts are facing can be turned into memes so easily, and not a tragedy akin to the 1986 Space Shuttle disaster should be celebrated as a success by everyone.
But there’s one group of people celebrating more than anyone…
Apple’s marketing department.
(There should be a prediction market for when an Apple will release an Ad with a picture of the Moon reading “Shot on iPhone”.)
How did you like today's newsletter?
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